=To Change=

3:57 PM 6/27/2007

Somehow, we must change. Even when you thought there is no need to. Or even when you think the right time has not yet to come. You must change. Or people will leave you.

Some might say, I don't need those people who can't accept me for who I am, how I behave. The reality hurts. Not everybody can accept you for what you are. People who wanted you to change, somehow love you very much, in a way.

But, what happens when after all sorrows and anguish, people just don't appreciate your eagerness to change. Though we knew, those changes are for our own good, still, a token of appreciation or support, would mean everything to you. Am I wrong? Being what you are, and struggle very hard, to become a better you, and then being recognized by no one, seems to me, useless. Who are we trying to satisfy? Who are we kidding? People will never get tired to condemn others who are not on their side of thoughts. Those people, who just cannot believe and accept the fact that in this wide world of life, not everybody will agree on everything they think is right. The world doesn’t change just because you said so. And the world won't go away just because you wanted it to.

Being a better person, up to someone's need, or attainment, is not easy. Someone told me this; 'open your heart for changes to take place. It would be much more easier if you open your heart to it.' what was he thinking when he said that? How much is too much? How good is good enough? How bad is too bad? I don't 'upgrade' myself to someone's standard. I upgrade myself to my standard. Yes, people might not be satisfied. But why? If this is what my best can give me, why can't you be satisfied? To be thankful I even dare to change. To appreciate the step I took to improve myself. To believe in myself for once, that I have changed for good. But no one would give me a chance to prove it. They kept on devastating me with damaging words. My hope, my new ambition, broken into pieces. And when they realized that I’m change for good, it’s too late. I’m back to old me. The one that I feel comfortable with.

Are you, trustworthy? Will you be there when I need you? Will you be by my side, when the world turns away from me? Will you?

Being true to yourself is one thing. Being true to everyone else is another thing.

With changing myself, am I being true to myself? I wonder if I’m not…