stOp iT

You’re disgusting me. It’s hard to swallow the fact that I and you have the same blood running through our vein. It’s wholly disgusting.

I know how much it hurts not to be trusted. Believe me, I live my life that way.

But have you not stop and give it some thoughts that to live the life I led, having you, as someone I should never take form of, is stressing me to death?

2^nd class Capitan’s trusts towards you is always as strong as the Great Wall of China. And I, just a breeze, can’t do much to destroy you. You’re tearing this family apart, don’t you know that? Haven’t you figured how much money this family has spent on you, so that you could live your posh life, alone? Never I asked or even wished, I’d live the same life as yours. Because it’s full of lies. And pathetic too.

The younger privates are marching to see you tomorrow. Less that you know the 2^nd class Capitan is coming along. And how much it made me giggle, it kills me to discover that Capitan will pay for your misbehave and idiocy.

I can say nothing. Just smile. As a lways. Capitan will never believe me anything I say about you. That is a fact, I swallowed since years ago. And it will stay bitter. Contempt is what I gained from that. And I learned to build myself, on my own, just with a strength that I will not become what you have been. Never. That’s my vow.

Being you is saddening. I’d rather die from being you. Been compared to a trash like you, is totally disgraceful.

I used to be the ugly duckling. And you, the white swan, aite?

And now, face the reality, how much the truth can tell you, that your look is what bringing you down.

Ironically, you’re among those I should thank. For giving a mould I tried not to follow. Not to pursue the false dream and standard of living.

I am what I am. I am what you are not. Definitely.

I am proud of what I am.

I’m not as pretty as you are. Yet there is this person who always tells me that I’m such a lovely lady.

I’m not as posh to pursue your way of life. Yet there is this person who always tells me that I’m such a down-to-earth girl.

I’m not as up-to-date as you are in fashion. Yet there is this person who always tells me I look beautiful with just a simple smile.

I am what I am. You are not what I became.

I can live your life. But you can’t live mine.

I can survive in this kampong. But you can’t.

Short skirts and sleeveless shirt won’t do you much good, in a place where a tiny bit of flesh is considered sinful.

No nightlife. This is what you loathe most, am I right? Curfew is way earlier.

No Zouk. No Bangsar. Then how to get a grip on your tonic?

The only place to ‘dance’ is at the Kesenian place. No techno tunes for sure.

And there will always be these two elders who’d asked you where you’d go, when will you go, with who are you going, what are you going and doing, how are you going, when are you coming back.. Sounds depressing? Try living with those matters for almost a decade, since your puberty, and then you’re allowed to whine.

I can live without those essentials to your life.

I can live without watching movies at GSC.

I can live without hanging out at mapleys at 3 in the morn.

I can live without 512Mbps broadband at my room.

Though it’s dreadful for me leave Epal Besar, but I can live with that.

See? I told you I can.

Always believe so, and I’ll do it.

It’s just a matter of time.

I’m happy enough to shed some tears along the way.

I’m strong enough to feel weak and lean on someone from time to time.

I’m witty enough to play dumb when I feel like it.

I’m enthusiastic enough to give up once in a while.

I’m proud with what I am today.

Shed some tears and someone will wipe it up for me.

Feel weak and a shoulder to cry on is available right away.

Play dumb and a friend will answer on your behalf.

Give up and someone will push me back on my two feet.

And I’m proud of it.

____________________________________________________________
stupidity is a privilege, some might abuse it.
ignorance is a bliss, some might longed for it.
nevertheless. there are morons. gifted, i believe. ____________________________________________________________